Ask any surfer dude and they will have a whole wardrobe of surf clothing. From Hawaiian style shorts (ooh, I’ll be hung for that one!) to flip flops (commonly known as thongs, but I always thought that was something different).

Rash vests are lightweight T shirts that prevent nipple rash. Nipple rash is a painful condition that nobody wants to boast about and, let’s face it, you look a complete wally with plasters over your nipples if you don’t use protection.

Surf clothing is often worn by young people, whether they are surfing or hanging out at the beach, cafe, bar, sofa or bed. Rolling from the bed to the beach without having to change clothes saves valuable surfing time. It apparently means they never have to wash their hair too - matted hair is part of the look.

Long shorts that your granddad would be proud to be seen in and a tight T shirt that would probably fit an inmate from the local nursery are standard surf clothing for men and women. Flowers are a particular favourite emblem for decoration and it’s also the done thing to mix strange colours together i.e brown and green or brown and pink or sky blue orange with purple flowers.

Footwear also comes under the genre of surf clothing. Without the right footwear your outfit is wasted. A simple decision on what flip flops to wear, it is not. There are various thickness soles, garish colours and oversized flowers. It makes no odds that once on, all you can see is the 3mm of rubber strapping your feet and causing a groove between your toes you could park your bike in. It’s all about having the ‘right’ flip flops.

Of course, granddad shorts would make better sails for a small seagoing vessel than to assist the act of surfing. This is why surfers then bring their rubber gear with them. I always thought this was something else too, but you learn something new every day.

Wetsuits are the ultimate equipment in the wardrobe of surf clothing. In various thicknesses depending on whether or not you’re a pussy when it comes to water temperature, wetsuits are there for the choosing. Mostly styled in black but also coming in pink for the girls, or the gay boys.

At any surfing destination, you will see what a piece of equipment the wetsuit is to get into. This is exactly the reason most people choose to walk around in them with the top hanging down. That, and because they want to show off their tans and rippling muscles. And are they difficult to get out of when wet?

Are they ever! I have a wetsuit of my own - for scuba diving. It looks great on. It makes me look like Angelina Jolie once I’m all squeezed in. Why they can’t make underwear that makes you look like this is beyond me! Of course, the fact that I look like the singing fat lady that signals the end of a show when I take it off, I really don’t care about.

Once you begin to grapple with the removal of a wetsuit, you are overcome with this grim determination to win. That and a burning need to get it off before you wee. But that wetsuit loves you! It wants to hug you and squeeze you and stay attached to every inch of your skin forever. If you force removal, it is going to take a layer of skin with it to remember you by.

So, for those looking to kit out their wardrobe with surf clothing remember: big shorts, small tees, thongs(!) and rubber.

expert buyer catherine harvey looks at the wardrobes that make up surf clothing and asks if its right. to find out more please visit http://www.transsurf.co.uk/

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